Personal ads! They’re … personal! Very.
So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!
Let’s do this thing.
Thing 1: Shoes for swing dancing.
Here’s what I want:
You don’t hurt my feet.
You are easy to find.
I can depend on you.
You are beautiful (and also easy to clean).
We can cut a rug like nobody’s business.
Here’s how I want it to come to me:
Someone could leave a recommendation here.
I could discover you on Twitter.
A surprise.
My commitment.
I am going to spend more time with Dancer Me instead of hiding her away in the past and in memory.
Thing 2: Less hedging.
Here’s what I want:
To get better at saying the thing I want to say without prefacing it with a bunch of disclaimers. Also known as the Hedge.
This is something I inherited from my mother and it’s also a concept that I learned about from the amazing Suzette Haden Elgin, whom I mention here pretty much all the time.
“The primary function of the Hedge is to steal the listener’s response by predicting it and announcing the prediction …. ‘I know this is a silly thing to say, but I’m afraid of plums.'”
I want to be more brave in my communication and not do quite so much of the whole “I know this is an insane thing to say but” thing.
Here’s how I want to get it:
I’m not willing to have people call me on this, because I’m already really self-conscious about it, and I can’t see how that would work without me feeling guilty and defensive at some point.
I do want more conscious awareness around it … and maybe a compassionate reminder that this is something I’m working on.
Ways this could come to me:
I don’t know.
My commitment.
I am ready to have a more conscious, intentional relationship with language.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads and what’s going on with them.
So if you remember, last week I asked for help spending more time in my Angel Refueling Station.
And I was also feeling very anxious about this big upcoming thing that I was doing in my business. Very. Stucknesses!
Here’s what happened. It’s kind of screwed up, but it’s also kind of awesome. And when I say “kind of”, I mean extremely.
I took my anxious, worried thing to the Angel Refueling Station.
Yes, I used one thing I was working on to help destuckify another thing I was working on. I know!
And the weirdest thing happened.
So the theme of my meditation was, of course, this stuck anxiety thing. And I asked to be shown what my fear of success looked like and what it needed.
The first thing I saw was this giant rock. Absolutely massive. On its back on the ground.
And I realized that it was the base of a statue. No, it was the statue. It just hadn’t been made yet. It was being worked on.
So more like a sculpture in progress. And this particular rock was known to be hard to work with and so it was taking a lot of time to come into its form.
That was my fear.
The fear of my own potential. The fear of me doing something with it. And then just as much fear that I won’t.
I asked what needed to happen… and the gigantic rock split in two. Right down the middle.
And then? Are you ready for this?
Okay. Little furry creatures begin spilling out of the belly of the rock. Mice.
Hundreds of them.
With tiny teeth and claws and incredible energy, they go straight to work on the rock. Carving the structure from both the inside and the outside.
It takes a few more surreptitious pokes and increasingly non-subtle head whacks from my subconscious for me to get it, but I finally realize that these are helper mice.
They’re my helpers.
They seal the two halves back together. They wheel the statue around. They get it upright.
Once I see the statue, I know exactly what it is and what it means.
It’s the Nataraj.
It’s the statue of dancing Shiva.
And I am standing on its base. And the mice are somehow effortlessly moving it around until it can take off on its own momentum and its own power.
And it is carrying me.
I don’t have more results than that, but it’s still pretty awesome.
The big promotion did not do nearly as well as I had hoped.
I didn’t follow most of my own rules about those things and I also (ow, the irony!) didn’t take any of the advice that I would have given someone else who was doing something similar.
But for me the big thing is that I managed to do a ton of shifting with my stucknesses that are related to my work bringing Dance of Shiva into the world.
And I was weirdly patient. And I treated the whole thing like the learning experience that it is and didn’t let not getting the hoped-for results trigger my “what’s the point” narrative.
So those are the gifts I’m taking from the Angel Refueling Station. And they’re big ones.
Comments. Since I’m already asking …
I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂
Here’s what I want:
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for.
- Thoughts or ideas about ways any of the personal ads listed here could come true.
What I would rather not have:
- Reality theories.
- Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
- To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
My commitment.
I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I’m committing to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and I will interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible for me.
Thanks for doing this with me! You guys rock. I say that every time, but it’s true.
Follow
Right now I’m feeling abandoned and attacked by people I thought were my compatriots, because I spoke my truth and asked some difficult questions. The people who support me are far away and don’t really have much of an influence on these compatriot types.
I would like:
a) To know that I will still have my performance family to go back to in Brisbane when I return there in August, or otherwise some sort of supportive, loving, welcoming group that will take me in its arms and welcome my deep questions
b) An apology from someone I considered my mentor who lashed out at me rather violently when I tried to ask her about some choices she made (it’s complex and I’m keeping it vague on purpose)
c) An outpouring of support for me from people in Brisbane
d) A way for me to further explore my truth and my questions without being attacked or maligned as negative (especially “you’re still new so shut up”!)
e) Guidance on nonviolent communication and how to deal with people that communicate violently to you
f) Peace
My commitment:
I treat everyone in my path with honour and respect, and respect the fact that there will be disagreements. I communicate as sensitively as I can while still asserting myself. I take time away from sources that give me stress (which so far seems to be Facebook).
How I can get this:
Well, a reasoned, gentle, understanding apology from said mentor would be great!! Open understanding messages that still maintain our dignities. But I am open to suggestions.
Tiaras last blog post..The Class/Privilege Checklist
What I’d like? All right, here goes!
I’d like my gut to tell me which of the 2-3 business ideas I’m thinking over is the best to run with: The ha-ha-I-know-I’m-a-wierdo-one that I can’t work out how to market? Or the one that might just happen to be within my Mum’s area of expertise? Or the “build it and they will come” do whatever I want option?
Meh, and also some comfort that going into one of the few fields of work I’m totally unqualified for is a sensible idea in the first place.
Bunch ‘o stuck!!
i would like:
an artistic mentor. someone who dresses eccentrically, whose income comes solely from art and art related things, and is kindof like the person i want to become, and who also understands me when i speak in fragmented sentences.
Some learning products. i desperately want Dance of Shiva starter pack and also an ebook about being a successful artist, and with no money in my paypal account and no ‘real job’ this is………slow.
clarity. i know what i want to do and i know why, but sometimes it’s ‘easier’ to sleep 12 hours a day instead. i am pretty ‘stuck’ right now.
some solutions. i have a lot of stuff in collections and i’m too proud to ask my family for help.
clear skin. oh i am breaking out so bad, and it is very hard to go from being Quite Pretty when dressed to Looking Like I have Chicken Pox when I have bare arms. this is hard to type even here where i am being anonymous. Ouch. right now though i have relatively little broken skin and for that i am pleased and thankful.
how this can happen:
an “aha” moment to do the things that are hard.
a surprise
i am scared and have no idea.
i can talk to my family when i see them in two days.
my commitment:
to observe my thoughts and be okay with them
to practice doing little things
to talk about this stuff
Yay for dancing shoes, and for saying what you want to without hedging. 🙂 There’s an online store that sells them http://www.dancestore.com/ (I’ve never used it, so don’t know anything about it, but it does look as though they have a wide variety of dance shoes.) Hope they come to you easily and swiftly.
What I want:
1. I have hives right now–an allergic reaction to something I ate. I want the itchiness and redness and swelling to subside. And I want to know what caused it so I can avoid it in the future.
How this can come to me:
Any way at all, so long as it comes with ease, and without requiring me to take toxic medications.
My commitment:
To listen to my body, and to explore what it needs right now. Then to act on that information in ways that are loving and supportive.
Hiro Bogas last blog post..What I Learned About Life & Business From Crossing The Road In Bombay
Hiro: Urgh itchiness sucks. I was bitten by mites once and I’m highly allergic to them – I was miserable and blotchy! We got this cream at the chemist that helped; I can’t remember the name of it but it wasn’t toxic and did its job. There’s also calamine lotion for soothing.
Havi: My sister used to swingdance a LOT. I sent her a link to this post and asked her for recommendations. Hopefully that’ll be helpful! She’s a tiny person and has tiny feet, so if your feet are tiny too she could be useful – she is based in the UK but knows swingdancers everywhere.
Tiaras last blog post..The Class/Privilege Checklist
Progress on last week’s Asks:
Thing 1 came through wonderfully! 😉 Thing 2 was a mixed bag; the meetings went well when they happened, one potential client put their foot down on the ‘we’re not ready yet’ side of the line and the other seemed ready to go but hasn’t gotten back to me at all since our meeting, the third sent some work and that might turn into money in time. Thing 3 I will cover in this week’s ask.
This week’s Asks:
Thing 1: Shiva Nata
I would like to figure out a rhythm for Shiva Nata in my life, and be able to accept that it tires out my brain in ways I’m not expecting, and that perhaps I’m not ready to do it more than a couple of times a week yet, and that’s okay. My commitment is to keep trying when I can find the space for it, and to try not to beat myself up when the space isn’t there.
Thing 2: Work
I would like for work to be quiet this week when I have house guests and madness, but be waiting patiently for me to pick it back up next week when the time comes. This could happen for me because projects are gelling, clients are preparing work for me, or approvals are waiting to roll. My commitment is to do what I can to help this process along, and spend the week gestating the pro bono project I’ve been avoiding so that I can begin the process of bringing it into reality very soon, and get it (and the guilt and pressure) off my back.
Thing 3: Fun!
I would like for the con to be fun, with no unexpected horrible disappointments. This could happen with people being cool about stuff, food being edible by me when I end up having to pay for it, and friends wanting to spend time with me in ways I can both schedule and afford. My commitment is to try to smooth out my expectations so that I am neither expecting the worst, or overly disappointed if things don’t go perfectly. I am also committing to being able to resist the lure of activities I don’t have the money for, and appreciate the ones that I can afford.
Amy Crooks last blog post..Private Myths
Re: hedging.
I notice myself doing this most when I’m writing. It’s usually born out of a desire for precision, but my writing is much cleaner when I ditch the almost, nearly, about, and other various modifiers that actually make things sound more vague rather than more accurate. I give myself permission to be inexact so that I can, in effect, be more direct.
This is a little different than what you described, but I think being direct instead of hedging comes down to awareness and practice. If you take a stray minute here or there during the day to think of direct, unmodified statements, it might help train your brain to think more that way. (Sort of like practicing emergency calming techniques before you’re freaking out, as you talk about in your sampler packet.)
If it’s just fear of other people’s reactions that prompts you to hedge, then perhaps imagine the worst case scenario of being direct and how you’d deal it. You seem to have a good handle on NVC, and it might well come in handy for this.
My apologies if this comes off too…not what you had in mind for a comment. Take it or leave it as you wish, and good luck!
claires last blog post..Performance anxiety
Wanted: Penpals. Must correspond regularly; frequent notes, long missives every few months OK. Ideal applicants already have my address; I do not give it out online. I will begin all replies immediately; long letters take longer. Apply by post!
Laura Gs last blog post..Help Us Pick our Wedding Song — Round 3!
Well mine is an “asked for”.
I asked for two things to cure the rat problem. Since they were eating the poison, that they got into of their own accord, I asked that they not die in the walls. Because ewww, ewww, ewwww.
They didn’t, however then I realized I also didn’t want to see them dead in the yard from the poison and asked for a more natural remedy.
Snakes
Yesterday, slithering around, I see the first snake ever since I moved back here 4 years ago. It’s a black rat snake and it was full. Stuffed.
Yay for the asking.
Here’s what I want:
The means, materials and knowledge to 1. make the poison inert and 2. dispose of it properly
Here’s how I want it to come to me:
easy access to the means, materials and knowledge
My commitment.
I ask for the most natural way to change unwanted infestations of any living creature.
How this comes to me.
I’m completely open
Yay for even more asking!
Minnas last blog post..Coming To Terms – The Rat Has a Reason | More Lessons Learned
Thank you Havi, for creating the space to do this. Thank you Havi and other commenters for sharing your own asks, which gives me courage to post mine.
Here’s What I Want:
I want to figure out how to finish the script for my solo theatre show. This means I figure out the narrator and how to write her character so that the scenes connect together in a way that is both dramaturgically sound and funny and delightful. It also means that I figure out what else is missing from the play. It also means I figure out how to end it. I also want the play to be really great — which means funny and poignant and tells an important story that will matter to the audience. It also means I will feel so good about the play that when time comes for me to market the show and my performance I will be so excited about it and feel so good about its quality that I will love promoting it.
Here’s How I Want to Get It/Ways to Get It:
Any way it comes. In bits and snatches, or in one fluid continuous stream. Or both. After a shower, interrupting a shower, on a walk, at dinner, or when I’m sitting down to actively write. Waking me up. On my commute to/from work. Whenever/however.I just want it to come by July 22 because I’m meeting with my playwriting mentor on July 23 and I need to have my next draft finished by then.
My commitment:
I will sit down and write at least once every day between now and July 22nd, for at least 30 minutes each time.
I will let whatever feelings come up for me while I’m writing and give myself permission to be with those feelings.
Hoping for everyone’s wishes to come true!
I have one more wish: I wish my lady friend’s latest book (and also, actually, her first book) would find the readers who will love it as much as its current readers do.
I blogged about our itty-bitty personal ads here:
http://melyndahuskey.wordpress.com/2009/07/11/butterfly-wishes/
Love and granted wishes to all,
Melynda
Hello Havi and Selma
For dancing shoes, I’d recomend Fluevog – http://www.fluevog.com/ – they are top of my list of what to buy when I go to the US (they are too expensive to oder online and I can’t get them in Ireland). They are the most comfortable things your feet will ever be in and they look awsome – and I just heard they now have Veggie shoes (no leather). They are good people too.
An update to my ad – the work i’ve been doing in my spare time aid me this week – exactly €1500 euros, like I asked, and it was done part time. Freaking scary and wonderful, right? I am still terrified of quitting the day job tho, so I am giving it a few more months.
My personal ad this week: for things to continue going the direction they are. I am loving it all.
Thanks so much for… pretty much everything that you do!
xoxo
tatty
Tatty Franeys last blog post..Vanity
I have a hard time asking for what I need or want too. A voice in my head tells me I’m being too demanding or uppity or that people won’t like me if I ask for anything. I know that’s not realistic, but childhood, you know? I’m working on it.
So.
I would like two things.
Thing 1 I would like: I would like a vacuum cleaner that I can keep upstairs. I have a good vacuum that lives downstairs, but it’s heavy and awkward to carry up the stairs and back down, so vacuuming upstairs has become a major chore that I put off most of the time.
How this can come to me: a gift or a low price second hand find.
My commitment: I will vacuum the upstairs more regularly, and I will do yoga more often once my bedroom floor is clean more regularly.
Thing 2 I would like: I would like to find metal clay classes in Ann Arbor (I would like to find out if I enjoy doing this before I invest in a kiln and all of the other equipment and materials).
How this can come to me: someone can tell me about a class, or I can find one online, or an artist using metal clay can offer to teach me. Bonus if we can barter — I’ll trade handpainted yarn or wool top for lessons and use of equipment.
My commitment: I will value a teacher’s time, expertise, and their investment in equipment and materials.
Alternative to thing 2: If someone has all of the equipment but isn’t using it and would be willing to sell it at a low price, that would be pretty cool too.
Riins last blog post..A Finished Object
Hiro Boga
itchy for me is soothed by
1. Jason Tea Tree bodywash/shower puff/hot hot hot water (as hot as i can stand)
2. Aveeno lotion the plain kind, has a green lid, colloidal oatmeal.
3. ALOE. Aloe vera in whatever pure form you can- a drink like Aloe Gold from Univera, or Solarium sunscreen stuff. Amazing. if nothing else- ALOE.
4. drink as much water as you can to flush out your skin.
Thanks so much, everyone, for your helpful suggestions about treating hives. I’m still covered in them and itchy, but not scratching! Off to buy a homeopathic remedy now. Wish me luck.
xo Hiro
Hiro Bogas last blog post..What I Learned About Life & Business From Crossing The Road In Bombay
This is a great description of your own insight-process – the sort of thing people do in their minds but it’s hard to put into words.
Personally, I’ve actually learned to ask for nothing. It’s true I’ve had an unusual/rocky road, but I have the feeling I would have ended up in this same place eventually even if I’d had a normal life.
Havi, hun, the hedging is probably just a way of asking somebody to tell you that you’re not crazy, to which I say: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH BEING CRAZY? (Sorry for the shouting, but I’m a tad low on subtlety right now.)
All of the truly great people in history were crazy. Some insanely so, some divinely so. But the route from wallowing in the mud to reclining in a Barcalounger is rarely straightforward.
Embrace your craziness, swim in it and know that the real, authentic you is one helluva lot of fun to be near. You have a gift for visualizing things that I don’t, which makes you valuable to me. I have a gift for irrelevance, which surely makes me valuable to somebody.
Shit, I just ‘judged or psychoanalyzed’ didn’t I? Sorry…
Anyway, You’re the best damn You I’ve ever seen. Thank you for that. 🙂 Oh, and… Dance. Nobody’s looking. Promise!
Dear Havi (and Selma)
Thank you so much for the post on hedging. I have wondered why certain things have “happened” but in retrospect I can hear myself hedging (in a big way); I have also had several helpful people point the hedging out to me lately so it is very very good to hear it in another voice because the hedging is not serving me anymore.
The hedging is part of my personal ad:
Awesome, considerate, thoughtful optimist/possibilitarian/legacy-strategist/rockstar seeks the courage and ability to speak as clearly to other people as I am to myself, especially in the car. I know what I stand for. I know what I’m here for. I want to be able to say it out loud to other people without backpedaling, without hoping that they feel okay about themselves, without diminishing my light.
I would appreciate if this came to me in writing – online, on a billboard, on a hand-written sign, on a fortune cookie, it doesn’t matter – I just react best to the printed word.
I commit to being open to receiving the answer to this request, in whatever form it comes.
And I am tremendously grateful. Thank you thank you thank you.
kristens last blog post..Life is…
Re shoes: this is from my sister –
Tiaras last blog post..The Class/Privilege Checklist
Hi Havi,
I’ve been thinking of trying this personal ad. thing since you mentioned it, but some reason there’s been some stuck. Still, I think the practice of getting better at asking for things is important so I’m going to give it a go:
Thing: A method of targeting my ‘all or nothing thinking patterns.’
I know they’re a big roadblock to feeling better about myself but they feel too foundational to destuckify.
Someone could say something insightful on twitter or write a post. One of the books I am reading could offhandedly mention the topic. A friend could spontaneously email me about how they’ve worked through this. I could get a sudden epiphiphany. I’m willing to be surprised.
Thing: A cheap, safe, artsy space to live in San Francisco
I should have at least one room all to myself.
I should be able to get to SFSU in 30 minutes or less.
I should be able to sleep soundly at night.
I should feel comfortable and calm in the space.
I should be able to have guests a couple times a year and have floor or couch space to house them.
I should have room to store my books.
I should have a fast internet connection.
I should have room to store my food and facilities to cook it on.
The space should not be too hot or too cold.
I will have a space to try this Dance of Shiva thing everyone’s been talking about.
I could find this by reading the perfect Craig’s list ad. I could be contacted by a friend who has a friend in SF looking for an apartment mate. I’m willing to be surprised.
It feels good writing these things down. Maybe I’ll try to make a regular practice of this. Thanks for the suggestion.
The Living Poets last blog post..Appeasing the Nagging Submit Me Voice
All right, I’ll give this a try, even though I’m all kinds of uncomfortable about it.
What I want: for the time I spend with my Thing to be a little more fun and easy. A little less of the “Ugh, not again,” and a little more of the “Whee! I did a thing!”
How this could come to me: I’m prepared for inspiration to strike, inside of yoga/meditation or out. I’m prepared to be reminded, by myself or others. I’m prepared to find my way into projects that contain extra fun and easy, or for my current projects to have hidden pockets of bonus fun and easy. Or something unexpected.
My commitment: I love my Thing. I will stick with my Thing, incuding the bits that are no fun and not easy at all. I will forgive my Thing for not always being fun and easy. I just want it to smile now and then. <3
Here’s What I Want:
Work that will bring me at least $3000 a month, that I will be happy doing, that will fit into my week so that I can give time to my family and my music. I prefer work that draws on my training and experience, but any good work with good people will make me happy.
Here’s How I Want to Get It:
I want a clear direct offer. I want to be a perfect candidate for the job. I want to be delighted to take it, and to have others delighted to have me.
My commitment:
I will work with heart, mind and soul. I will contribute and support my coworkers and honor our clients or customers. I will be grateful and express my gratitude to all concerned.
In lieu of this, I’d be happy to have my (at least) $3,000 a month come from songwriting royalties or purchases of our app.
Progress on an Ask:
I asked for a kitchen scale (easy to read dial, can measure up to five pounds or so, small) so I could make some soap. I need it to measure base with.
Haven’t come across a keeper . . . but realized the office has an ancient postal scale that (1) has a big easy to read dial; (2) is small; (3) can measure up to five pounds or so. We use a neat little digital scale for all our mailing, the clunky old one sits and gathers dust.
So this weekend I borrowed the scale and returned it this morning. Problem solved!
I still want one of my own so I’m not dependent on another to supply same, but this will work just fine while the wheels turn. And bonus–I don’t need to store it between uses.
Spikes last blog post..Ten Things to Remember
I don’t know what your promotion on Dance of Shiva was. I went to the Shiva blog and didn’t see anything. I am not a twitter-ite so I don’t know about that.
I have a wish to start Dance of Shiva.
Havi, I second the Fluevog shoe suggestion, also Camper makes super comfy, well made heels. Oh yeah! and Ecco.. I have the most perfect black mary janes that are more comfortable than the flats I own. They would be perfect for dancing.
@Ruth Greenwood: I am SO right there with you! well not the music part, but the rest of it. Well put! and best of luck to you in getting what you need.
Ok, my first Ads:
Thing 1: Courage and Confidence to work on Imaginary Real World
What I Want:
To feel okay about posting comics that are as good as I am capable of making in a weeks time right now. I know my drawing skills are rusty, but I need to move ahead with this project and not feel ashamed of how good they ‘should’ look, just because I have an art degree. (silly i know!) I want to not be afraid of the subject matter and what my family and old friends will think of it. It will be very controversial to the christians in my life and I want to be bold and tell MY story in spite of that.
How I want to get it:
As that fiery, bubbly excited feeling in my gut that I am doing the right thing (I think I already have this part)
Ways it may come to me:
By enjoying the making process. Getting wrapped up in the good stuff, the drawing the writing the memories of my crazy life and world view.
Through constructive, positive feedback in the comments on the site, once I have a comic or three posted.
My Commitment:
To write, draw and post my first comic by Sunday evening, July 19th
Thing 2: To sell my Nikon D40x setup
What I want:
To sell my Nikon D40x kit for a fair price that will allow me to buy a camera I will carry with me all the time instead. I miss the observant, grateful, inspired outlook I kept, knowing I had a camera in my bag. I miss the community of people on Flickr I used to interact with daily. I bought the D40x for school a year ago, and am no longer there. It is a lovely camera but too physically big for my purposes.
How I want to get it:
I want someone who has been wanting a good digital SLR to be happy about finding it. I want to find someone that has the money to pay the fair price I ask. I want the transaction to go smoothly and easily. Someone in Portland, OR would be ideal. An art student, even better.
Ways it may come to me:
A response to a Craigslist ad I will post, a flyer I will post at PNCA, the Art Institute and PSU, or a ‘word of mouth’ reference
My commitment:
To research and find out what the fair asking price is for the camera and lens I have to offer. To be honest with any interested buyers and willing to meet at a public location in Portland for testing it all out.
Havi, The instant your mice appeared I started to cry. I knew they were your helper mice and I was just so crazy happy for you.
Hiro – itchy allergic reactions – no fun. I’m trusting your homeopathic remedy will be perfect. If not, look for “Domboro.” I have no idea what’s in it, if it’s PC healthy. But I used it most every summer of my childhood for various bites, poison oaks,etc.
Want: A BIG Want:
In spite (because of?) of 20 years with a brain injury, an autoimmune illness and now adrenal fatigue the joy in my heart continues to surface and expand.
I *know* people want to feel this and I can help them experience this. (Time-tested 2500 year old Buddhist practices that are non-denominational.) This takes effort, attention but so much better than letting mind emotions run away with you and create unhappiness.
I asked my beloved Teacher 4 years ago (!) for permission to teach and he was and continues to be astonishingly supportive.
My problem? Besides the usual inner layers of stuck to strip away, I have less than 5 functional hours a day to do everything life requires. eg, Days I can do 1 load of laundry requires a rest and meals prepped ahead of time. Writing a blog post? Let’s not even count the hours.
I keep trying to implement various processes to bring this forward. I do believe some of the issue has been not staying with one process long enough, but that’s also tied to running out of steam.
I want to find a way that is life sustainable for me to share these profoundly beautiful practices. To put something out there, engage, repeat, connect, repeat in a way that works with my own energy (or lack thereof.)
How I want to get it: I’m not looking for “OMG how awful!” My life is pretty amazing actually, just miles away from most people’s experience. On the flip side it doesn’t help to hear someone knows *exactly* what I’m going through because of X. They don’t. I have heard of Stroke of Insight Woman Jill Bolte Taylor, am delighted about her, but it doesn’t help me share this beautiful work. Ditto other inspiring people.
I appreciate respect for the crucible of my life, and understanding of how it creates perfect conditions for a rich inner life of love and compassion. If you have a story that connects, I’m happy to listen. But, again, what I’m really looking for is a way to move the how to live and love and grow in spite of circumstances into the world.
How can this GIFT come to me:
On thing for certain, trying to do this all by myself creates Impossibility Number 1. I think I need real-world helper mice who totally believe in love and compassion and are ready to champion the cause along with me.
A possibility would be someone to invite me into their space, their program, retreat, etc, or doing an interview, or co-creating something so the “container” is there and I’m just pouring these blessings into it.
But I’m open. W-i-d-e open.
My commitment:
I’m at the point in my life (age 53) where sharing this work means everything to me. I’ve had years as a hermit and a mystic and that could still be an option. In my heart it just doesn’t feel like it’s what I’m supposed to be doing now.
I’m committed to sticking with this for as long as it takes, and I’m prepared for it to take years.
Thanks Havi. Thanks everyone.
Mahala Mazerovs last blog post..Suffering By Desire
Havi–
Here’s an update on my last personal want ad
I got an email today from a friend of a friend whose dog started acting out aggressively two weeks ago (gasp!) and almost attacked another dog (gasp!) and has been told by “people who know” that her dog has to wear a choke chain (ew!) or to use a prong collar (double ew!) or put down (omg!). She asked if I could come and help her and her dog! (YAY!) Helping without mean and hurtful techniques! Yay!
Thank you for letting me ‘put it out there’.
melissa
melissas last blog post..Walking Meditation
What I Want
An ADD coach, either external or internal. Or a variety of coaches. When I have that, I thrive. A shoe metaphor, since that’s where this started: Constantly I keep looking for something different to help me clear my head, but the truth is that a sneaker needs a lace…not a hammer or Scotch tape or superglue. I’ve tried the most WONDERFUL hammers and Scotch tape. There is one solution that has always worked. A somebody to be there for me on a regular basis, with insights and followup. No more thinking that if my shoes were emotionally stronger or more mature they’d stay on my feet without any laces. I know what I need and I’d like to have it now.
And I want to be able to afford this, either by payment or barter or gift.
How I Want It to Arrive
By phone or email or someone I meet. Am not fussy. But soon.
My Commitment
I commit to being the other 99% of the jigsaw puzzle, and to look only forward and be radiantly me in the present. And follow suggestions and communicate. And, as with all asks, express my gratitude.
Thanks, Havi, for letting us put our wants by yours. May good things come.
And, for Hiro…re hive-y itchiness…sometimes baking soda and water works.
Yay for swing dancing! I hope you love it – I find it gives me positive energy like nothing else, plus it’s an absolutely fabulous workout and SOOO much fun.
I own these shoes:
http://www.dancestore.com/Aris-Allen-Womens-Black-Nubuc-RugCutter-Wedge/productinfo/158-BK/
Aris Allen wedges. They lace, so they’re very comfortable on my wide feet, and the wedges support my arches better than flats or true heels. Women need to balance on the balls of their feel when swing dancing, so a wedge is ideal – it gives you the balance without putting stress on the arches of your feet. I used to dance in heels and my arches would ache so much!
Good luck with the dancing!
Abbys last blog post..Learning Lindy
Hi Havi and all —
I’ve been reading your site off and on for a month or so, but this post prompted me to write.
My personal ads:
Item #1 — Reliable, gas-efficient car
What I want:
A car that will
* Get me where I need to go
* Be reliable transportation that will only require standard care and maintenance (i.e. not have to be in the shop every month.
* Gets at least 30 miles/gallon of gas.
* Has room for groceries, martial arts equipment, laundry, etc.
* Small enough for me to reach the pedals and see over the dashboard comfortably.
* Is currently in proper working order.
* Have a cost within my budget ($4500 or less)so I can pay for it outright and not have a car payment.
How I want to get it:
* Buy it from a car dealer or from a reliable individual seller.
* As a gift (this feels like being very selfish to ask for a gift this large, but my monsters and I are having a conversation over this).
* Find it for sale in the Raleigh, NC area on Twitter or a website.
* A surprise.
My commitment:
I’m allowing myself to have the things I truly need and not just the things I can “make do with”. This will especially allow me to get back to training for my black belt (I’ll be able to get to training) and pursue my dream of opening my own martial arts/self-defense studio for women.
Item #2 — A trip home to visit family
What I want:
A trip home to Oregon for two weeks to visit my family and let them meet the new love in my life. I want to be able to take myself, my son, and my SO and stay in a hotel or bed and breakfast, so we can retreat somewhere quiet when family issues get too intense.
How I want to get it:
* Unexpected financial windfall which would allow me to buy tickets
* A gift
* A surprise
My commitment:
I’m committed to introducing my sweetie to my family and to give them a chance to see my 12 yo DS who they haven’t seen since he was 2.
Cheris last blog post..Domestic Abuse: 12 Reasons Why Women Stay
This is amazing!
I come back from a few days of being internet-less and there are all these incredible things here.
First of all, thank you guys sooooooo much for all of the dancing shoe recommendations! I can’t wait to sit down and look at all of them. This means so much to me, really. I feel so supported!
Second, your stories and asks are completely inspiring. I love that we’re all more or less in the same boat, working on similar things and working on being okay with wanting things to be different while still meeting ourselves where we are.
And there is just some astounding stuff here.
@muffy – sorry that I was unclear on that! The Shiva Nata thing I did was not on the blog – it was just an announcement/advertisement thing somewhere else.
Whenever you end up being a Shivanaut is great – looking forward to it whenever it happens. 🙂
@melissa – wow. That was so simple and so perfect. I love it. Love it!
I had been thinking of the Very Personal Ads as a nice thing that I would perhaps use someday for some undetermined thing not yet on my horizon.
And then this morning one of my cats went missing. And I’m terrified that she is Not Okay. And I definitely am Not Okay with this situation. So… nothing to lose…
Here’s what I want:
* My cat to return, or be returned, to me and my sweetie–safe and sound, and promptly– within the next 24 hours. I want a Happy despite-the-intervening-period-of-anxiety Ending.
Here’s how I want it to come to me:
* She spontaneously comes home at a time when one of us is here to see her and let her in.
* A neighbor or friendly person brings her to us.
* One of the humane societies or vet clinics responds by phone to our multiple Lost Cat reports.
* Some other way that is prompt and safe.
My commitment:
* I am willing to continue walking the neighborhood looking and calling for her.
* I am willing to keep checking in with shelters and vets.
* I am willing to be at home tonight and most of the day tomorrow in case she returns spontaneously or is returned by a neighbor.
* I am willing to continue asking for help from multiple sources and from the Universe.
I wanted to check back in and say that one of my personal ads came true since last week. I asked for my husband’s business to sell and the paperwork to go through in that week and it took a little more than a week, but it happened. And within the week, another sale went through that was even better! I gotta remember to add “this or something even better that I haven’t imagined yet!” to the end of my personal ads! 🙂 Good stuff.
For this go around, I’d like to keep my house personal ad out there and add that it could also be something even more amazing that I haven’t imagined yet. 🙂
holding positive thoughts that everyone’s ads come to fruition as you’d like them to or in some way even more awesome than you imagined.
leahs last blog post..All Art is a Self Portrait
I am delighted to report that my ad worked, and my cat is home safe! She was only an hour late, per my specifications. 🙂 I am now a True Believer in the power of asking for exactly what you need, when you need it, as long as the commitment part is in there too. Thank you, Havi.
Tracys last blog post..verdissage: Bless you @havi for the Very Personal Ads- I posted yesterday abt my missing cat, asked 4 return home safe in 24 hours-she was 1 hour late.